How to Talk to Your Spouse Who Says You Work Too Much

Strong marriages and relationships require attention from both partners. This balance of attention to spouse versus earning a living or furthering your career can be difficult to find. And, once you have found a balance that works in your relationship, things change and you have to find the balance again.

Why do some people overwork? The Overworking Spouse may be under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive workers are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the other hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage. Of course, we should be involved in work that is worthwhile, fulfilling and financially rewarding but over focus can put the marriage at risk.

What can happen when you put your work/career first? Your spouse may be feeling emotionally disconnected from you and lonely. There may be a buildup of resentment which can lead to anger and finally bitterness-towards you. This situation often leads to unhappiness and discord for the entire family.

As a psychologist who has worked for 20 years counseling couples in my therapy practice in North St. Paul, MN, I met with Amy and Josh with just this complaint. Amy was complaining that she was overburdened because Josh worked too much and left her with the responsibilities of home, children, and her own 40-hour job. He knew she was right but he felt defensive when she tried to tell him how to manage his work schedule. He’d started complaining that when wasn’t very affectionate lately and always blamed her disinterest in their physical intimacy on fatigue. He asked to meet with me individually after Amy had had a session to talk about her “side”of the problem. He was appreciative that she was not as naggy as she had been in the past, but he still felt blamed and criticized.

When Josh and I met, we talked of the reasons that he was spending so much time at work. The usual reasons people overwork is that they are feeling under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive works are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, in their book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, suggest the following questions:

1.What does your work mean to you?

2.What pleasure or satisfaction does work bring to you?

3.What need does working fulfill in your life?

4.Does your work related to some personal legacy you would like to contribute to the world?

In a discussion with Josh, he pointed out that he was trying to make headway in his career now, while he was still young and had the energy. He knew his wife was doing a good job parenting their two small children (3 years and 9 months) so he wanted to focus on earning good money for his family. At first, he couldn’t understand why Amy was complaining so much because he was doing all this work for her and their children. He felt it was his responsibility. He wanted to provide his children with a fund for their education.

I suggested he consider the questions listed above. He said that his work is very satisfying in that he felt very confident and capable at work. He also wanted to meet his father’s expectations who had had a successful career. His older two brothers had moved from job to job and he knew his father was disappointed that they had difficulty supporting their families.

It was important for Josh to understand the underlying reasons for his excessive hours at work. He did not have a demanding boss and he was in no threat of a layoff. He just wanted to do the right thing. He had not thought of himself as having value over and above that of a worker and wage earner. He resigned himself to have a discussion with Amy. He said he would try to listen carefully about what Amy was longing for when she complained to him. I suggested he try to imagine the experiences she wanted to have with him and not to focus on her criticisms.

When Amy and Josh came for the next couple’s session, they wanted to further discuss the overworking situation. (They no longer saw the problem as residing inside one of them but as a problem the two of them need to figure out.) Any was able to explain to him what she missed when he work so much. He came to get a sense that his contribution to their family was not solely a financial responsibility. He heard her tell him he was also loved, appreciated, and needed as a friend, confidant and co-parent. She especially enjoyed his easy humor with their children and felt he was the only one who would be able to provide that.

This was a difficult issue for this couple and it was not resolved quickly. They were able to discuss their needs and wants in a different way when they addressed the questions about the underlying reasons for their positions.

Fast Weight Loss Diets That Shrink Belly Fat

Getting a Firm Belly

A lot of importance is placed upon tight flat stomachs. Marketing campaigns are always promoting items that will accomplish this. Although many individuals want to lose their belly fat, due to appearances, one main reason to reduce this fat is your health! However, experts are now saying that it is okay to have a little fat, as long as you are not overweight.

Belly flab and high blood pressure, as well as high cholesterol, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes have been linked to belly fat. In order to be at no health risk, men should not have a waist measuring more than 40 inches, and women must have a 35 inch waist or less.

Below are some good techniques to help you reduce dangerous abdominal fat and get a firm belly:

· Exercise More, Eat Better

Calories do not have to be burnt at a gym or workout class; this can be done when you participate in everyday activities. For example, yard work burns several hundred calories per hour. Whereas organized sports, like football, burn even more. Another great activity to burn calories is swimming. Still another way to burn calories is to engage in walking.

Your fat-burning metabolism will kick into overdrive with Cardio exercise. All you need is persistence and perseverance; the trick is to find an activity you like. If you stick to it, the pounds will melt away. It’s also imperative to alter your routine to ward off boredom, as well as to get maximum calorie burning results.

In order to get a firm belly, there are different exercises that you can implement into your schedule. The American Council on Exercise did a study to find out the best types of exercise to incorporate into any weight loss program. Their findings included supine bicycle, captain’s chair leg lifts, and vertical leg crunches. These exercises are thought to work the abs more than any other exercises. Other good exercises include twisting crunches and exercise ball crunches. These activities should be done several times a week in order to obtain a slimmer waistline. Detailed step-by-step tutorials for each exercise can be found on the internet. However, if you are an outside person and your yard needs mowed, this activity will move all those muscles in the right way. However you must engage in this activity at least 20 minutes, non- stop.

Different foods can help you get a firm belly. Foods high in protein and fiber are slenderizing, however sugary carbs increase belly fat rather quickly. You should look for a diet consisting of complex carbs, unsaturated fats, and lean protein sources; a classic example is the South Beach diet. The diet solution has a high success rate and is a natural way of losing weight.

· Reduce Stress

The reducing of stress can be accomplished at the same time that you are losing belly fat. This can be done through the implementation of yoga. Yoga has a two-fold effect on our bellies, as follows:

1. It reduces stress levels. Stress very often leads to weight gain. Stress-induced weight gain often results in belly fat. In this way, stress reduction can give you a flatter stomach and at the same time, actually lower your risk for many diseases.

2. Yoga also tones the muscles in your stomach. A yoga routine that includes supine poses and other postures will work the abdominal muscles. You might want to check out a yoga DVD or video tape, or you can also try to go through some yoga tutorials.

All in all, it takes time and effort to get that dream belly, but it sure is worth it!

Why Holiday Villas Are Popular in Most Holiday Destinations

Holiday villas with swimming pools are becoming a very popular form of holiday accommodation with holiday makers going on a family holiday. You are now able to stay in a villa in most countries in the world.

These holiday homes are especially popular in countries with a warm climate. There is nothing better than sitting outside your holiday villa by the side of the swimming pool with a cool drink.

When choosing a villa for your vacation you need to consider very carefully what sort of holiday that you want. The first thing to consider is what sort of climate that you are looking for. There are typically holiday villas in most climates but there is a much greater selection of villa in the countries that have a warmer climate. You must decide how hot you want it to be and what time of the year you want to go away on your villa holiday.

Having decided on the climate, you must then look to see which country can offer you that climate on your vacations. Some countries may require you to get a visa to spend your vacations there and other countries that you consider for a villa holiday may require certain vaccinations before you go there. Then check how long it will take you to fly to your chosen destination and also if there are flights available.

Once you have done this you can start thinking about what sort of villa accommodation that you are looking for. There are some superb villas available around the world and they vary in price to suite just about every budget.

For holiday makers looking for a relaxing holiday by the beach it is possible to find some stunning villas with swimming pools right by coast. For families looking for a villa in the mountains there are also plenty to choose from with some offering spectacular views over the local countryside.

Most holiday villas have swimming pools. You must check to see if you want a swimming pool with your holiday villa and what size the swimming pool is. Many holiday villas also have outside barbecue areas and outdoor seating areas. In some countries that have mosquitoes you will find that some of the holiday villas have mesh screens around them to keep the bugs out.

It is possible to find holiday villas to suite almost every budget. There are some small two bedroom holiday villas and also some huge holiday home with seven or eight bedrooms. Some families like to go on a villa holiday by themselves and others like to stay in a larger holiday villa and take friends with them.

Atypical villa will have bedrooms with en-suite bathrooms. Typically the master bedroom or suite will be much larger than the other bed rooms in the villa. It will also have the best bathroom in the villa. Typically it will have a walk in shower, large bath and his and hers washbasins and a toilet. Above the washbasins will be a large mirror and below there will be plenty of storage space.

Recruitment Video is an Important Part of an Employment Branding Strategy

Video is the # 1 form of Internet communication and can be one of the most effective medium organization uses to build its employment brand. Recruitment videos posted on an organization's career site, distributed via podcasts and posted on YouTube and social networking sites can create excitation for the organization by allowing potential candidates to experience an organization's corporate culture, values, see multiple employees' passion for the organization and see what it's like to live and work in the organization. Google's recruitment video "An inside look at Google" as been viewed over a half million times on the Internet. Other organizations such as Yahoo, Microsoft, Cisco, IBM, JP Morgan, TiVo, the US Army and Home Depot have found great success using recruitment video. I recently read that studies have shown an effective recruitment video can increase passive candidate flow by up to 30%.

An organization's recruitment video is not a commercial and should not be scripted. The goal of the video is to give an inside look at the company and employees doing real work. A recruitment video should show real employees telling real stories about the organization. The video should also include a message from the CEO or an executive in the area of ​​the organization the video is targeted. The more real the video is the more effective it will be. An effective recruitment video should be 2 to 4 minutes in length. Remember you want a potential candidate to take action so make the video compelling and fun. When you create your recruitment video give potential candidates an avenue to respond by including a link to the organization's career site and if possible an e-mail address for candidates to forward their resume.

Recruitment video is a great way to increase employee referrals. Encourage employees to include a link to recruitment videos in their e-mail auto-signatures and individual FaceBook, LinkedIn, Ning, MySpace and other social networking site pages. We've discussed using viral marketing techniques to build employment branding. Ensure that those writing about the organization include a link to the organization's recruitment video.

Remember that your recruitment video is only as good as the employment site it directs potential candidates to. Potential candidates will visit an organization's employment site to confirm if what they hear about the organization is true, read detailed information about the organization, and submit their resume. The career site should clearly identify the organization's culture, values, vision, current job openings and benefit programs. The site should reflect an organization's brand and strengthen a candidate's desire to consider employment opportunities with the organization. Included on the site should be testimonials from employees that reinvigorate what potential candidates viewed in the video.